Jan 18
Lips stretching to a polite smile first, crackling to a forbidden kiss, after.
destiny playing a bitter joke, a sudden meeting, after all those years.
.
Those walls embracing their willing sin.
His fingers bathing on her secret scent.
Her nipples fighting the buttons that constrict her.
.
She runs out, he stays put,
the simultaneous knowledge the desire is still there.
.
Dec 13
I have found Lisa´s (our dumb cat) soulmate. Really. And even more, I have found a human (Leanne) that represents perfectly the laws cats live by – and of course, their humans…
I digg Leanne; I hope you will too 
)
http://onlyoddduck.wordpress.com/2011/12/08/cat-laws/
“the cat”
“Lisa”
Dec 12
His lips are not the lips that kiss her when he kisses her.
His hands are not the hands that touch her when he touches her.
He is not the man who loves her when he loves her.
Once again,
as water washes the shame away,
she screams her sins in silence
.
Dec 9
This week my back hurts like hell. It is not because I haven’t been training hard -honestly I haven’t been training at all, or because of special acrobatics with Attention Whore or even because I got my period and I am bleeding like a stuck pig.
My pack is in pain because Monday I was stabbed hard, unexpectedly, but not with a knife, at least not a physical one, even it felt like it, or maybe not, maybe worst, because I have never beeb stabbed with a real knife so I know how that feels like for real…
The point is, this week I tasted what backstabbing tastes like, and is not a good taste, but bitter, painful and unfair. This week I figured out who is who around me, who has proved to be a good colleague and who I need to watch out for and who I can appreciate the support I got. This week I figured out also who I am, my worth, my contributions, what I am made of – and i concluded I am pretty proud of myself and of what I do. I got to get a sudden outlook of what is important in my professional life -not that I didn’t get it before, because I got it many times- but this time I was forced to get it from a different angle.
So despite the whole situation exploded relatively silently, I am still screaming in my head. Despite nobody can see bruises on my back, there is still smell of iodine around my desk.
Friday now.
Nov 30
Are you keeping a secret, or is a secret keeping you?
Frank Warren’s blog, PostSecret, began as an art project, but has evolved as an outlet for people to release their secrets while retaining their anonymity.
I say it is simply AMAZING!
Nov 28
The office Christmas party is tonight and I didn’t have to prepare much when I had to think of a perfect outfit. I master my heels and LBDs so that is a no-brainer. Or at least it is until 24 hours before the party, when thanks to impulse shopping a way too colorful dress lays on my bed ready to go.
How bad can it be? Not that bad if one is used to, but until the feeling settles inn, I feel like a damn cupcake bathed on Pantone 253, so when I walk into the party and I feel I am being noticed on a sea of dark suits and LBDs, and past the first looks -I get confident and happy I didn’t put on my own and safe LBD. Things change when after listening to a brief speech, I walk into the bathroom to reapply lipgloss and when l slightly turn, l must lean over to check and confirm that I have 2 bite marks on my naked shoulder. Fuck, I think while having a mini heart attack, fuck, fuck, fuck…I did stand right in front of several big bosses during the speech…
As my confidence vanishes, I pick up the phone and yell at him, I notice AttentionWhore couldn’t be happier, no, prouder, of his actions. Feeling much insecure about me going out tonight, honey? I don’t see his face, but I swear hi is smiling proudly.
Some minutes to recap, a party-cigarrete outside and I wonder, why I kinda panicked, and I freaked out in my own insecurity for looking like I shouldn’t be looking tonight, and at the end, I too, begin to smile: well, let’s be proud! Proud for being in my 40’s and feeling awesome, and have a good and passionate sex life.
On the dance floor one picks up on the vibe and traces the bites with one hand as holds me tighter with the other. An elegant retreat and a phone call to go home.
While I wait to go home, I wonder about actions and reactions, about what we do, about the intentions we do them with and the snowball that can turn unexpectedly direction. And I wonder that sometimes insecurities may leave us defenseless and sometimes, without warning, defensive.
Nov 24
I know I am pretty damn compulsive -I have been all my life despite I chilled out much after I got kids. I got no other choice, really, but still I find myself going nuts if I see mess around me.
So when the dryer machine starts making noises, I put on my Bob the Builder and I nearly put the house on fire, I find my laundry room looking like a fucking gypsy camp doing a yard sale. And when the new machine is in place (and l swear it smiles to me when I turn it on) my inner peace is restored again.
Was it legal, I would marry my dryer.
Later on at night, I come to think how important is to have convenience in my life; more than important, necessary. My life is so incredibly hectic that don’t know how I would manage without my appliances and/or my gadgets. I am sure I would manage, because they did manage before and they managed fines, so wound’t I?
A 3 year old told her mom, a co-worker: “hours are shorter now than before”. My colleague told her no, that an hour is an hour; that sixty minutes are sixty minutes before and now. “You always say that you have less time now, and that you did get more things done before” answer the kid.
I know an hour is an hour, but l get the kid’s point. I used to go to the beach with a bottle of water, a pack of cigarettes and a towel. Now, my logistic strategies to get out of the house with all the necessary shit for the kids would get me a job in NASA. So why it feels like that? Does life get that complicated with time or we make it more complicated? How (I know I would but how) I would manage without all the things which make my life more convenient? Things make life more convenient, but for what? to have more time? Because I keep running short of time no matter what…
Solution may lay on my own child labour (eventually husband), but I am not all that sure that is a correct to say aloud…
Nov 4
Sep 30
He is twenty something and somewhere in there, he is quite good looking. His blue eyes are an attractive contrast to a hair all ruffled up, a little greasy, brushed – however these guys brush their hair now a days, from a very low line to the other side. Tiredness reflects on his face, matte on his skin and darkness under his eyes.
You may ask what I am looking for, and I can say I am not looking for anything, I am just looking – I am always looking, contemplating, observing and what makes me look is not his looks, his eyes or his hair; not even the dark circles under his eyes or the paleness on his face.
What makes me look, really look, is his serenity. He is a cashier at the supermarket and he seems to mess up most of the things passing on the belt, and even thought the two clients in front of me have scold him, he seems impassible, serene. I think he is smiling inside even I don’t see it, and then I know he is smiling and bubbling inside when he lifts his head to welcome me as his next client and I see this huge hickey on his neck.
I look at him and show teeth; I can avoid it. He looks down and he shows teeth also, and he doesn’t avoid it. The total comes up on the little screen and I pay unable to stop smiling. When he gives me the receipt I look at his neck and blurt I love it. He smiles even wider and whispers I love it too!
I walk away and my mind runs wild wondering how it happened, where, who, how is she (or he). I wonder how that little blood mark could give so much delight, and satisfaction, and most important, I wonder how easy can be to fulfill somebody with a very small gesture.
Young carefree love, one could say…
Sep 23
en·tan·gle (n-tnggl)
tr.v. en·tan·gled, en·tan·gling, en·tan·gles
1. To twist together or entwine into a confusing mass; snarl.
2. To complicate; confuse.
3. To involve in or as if in a tangle.
.
Yes, twist me, entwine me, complicate me…
… but never let go.
Sep 18
Despite she has agreed to come here, and she is in fact paying for the services render in this place – she is not all that excited now that she is laying down. This bed is a bed she is not all that keen to lay on, but now is too late. This is something it must be done. Read more
Sep 8
I had never traveled by train at night. My mother was non-stop weeping at the station -and thank God she never saw the rogues sharing the compartment: two young soldiers from up north, with vicious looks and broad shoulders and a mulatto wearing the tightest jeans ever, and making them bulkier by opening his legs and putting a smile… on his everybody’s face.
Sep 8
“Where the hell did she go?” Some of you may have asked. Or maybe not. Maybe I would like to think so, but maybe no one missed me -which is kinda ok – I haven’t missed me neither, since I didn’t event notice I was gone. Read more
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Jul 1
* … What appears to be a reflection on the fun lies in our sexual life suddenly becomes a poignant speech about gender theory and the constant construction of our identity…
Fake orgasm: http://www.zip-films.com/film_24ENG.asp
Jun 22
.
On the move, yet once again.
A feeble bag on his shoulders full of tomorrow’s light.
Shoulders bearing past lessons anxious to be forgotten.
Bearing also his hopes, his desires, a firm belief -as fragile as the plastic bag they travel into.
Never dispair, keep walking.
Holding tight to life.
.
May 26
The uses of sorrow
(In my sleep I dreamed this poem)
Someone I loved once gave me
a box full of darkness.
…
It took me years to understand
that this, too, was a gift.
* This is not, unfortunately, mine. I saw this picture and almost simultaneously found Mary Oliver’s poem… and everything felt into place.
.
