The gunshot echoes as the kid runs to pick up the dead fox. He smiles – he is proud and says something to the camera that I am not able to understand since he speaks Norwegian and I don’t… Yet.
That is the first time I watch BarneTv (kidsTV) in Norway, and my mouth stays open in disbelief, and I wonder what the hell is wrong with these people… Last week, ten yeas later, MissAttitude reads her homework to me, a real story about hunting, surviving and respecting and accepting the circle of life. A flashback and a smile on my face. We talk, and she asks and I tell the truth. I sense she is distressed, but she is not bullshited.
Later that night I start thinking about my personal belief about lies, about being truthful no matter what – and about people unable to tell the truth, and why they don’t, and what we think is lying and what is not, and what are the parameters people use when they must something loved one.
When we need to say something ugly, do we say differently if is a person we don’t care than if is a beloved one? Where is (if there is) the balance between blurting out the truth and manipulating things to avoid hurting people?
I have learnt to always tell the truth, fully, without bullshit, and by default, because one always keeps one’s eyes open, I have learnt to know when people is bullshitting me, when people advocates to the “I don’t want to hurt your feelings” or to the “I knew you would feel hurt (or angry, or mad or…)”. I hate being patronized.
I have learnt also that one must be caring of others feelings, and that there is always an alternative way to say things, maybe softer, maybe kinder. The problem is, when somebody uses that excuse to patronize you, to hide something, to the ultimate selfishness.
I told the truth to MissAttitude -and she had bad dreams a couple of nights despite I softened things up for her, but she felt she deserved no bullshit from her mother. She, her mother, deserves also no bullshit from anybody.
Even less from loved ones.