Skip to content

Posts tagged ‘love’

Implosion

It doesn´t hurt, but I feel it physically in my body. It is like an implosion in my deepest core, bending my body at the waste. My chest fills with air, my breath stops until I sneak my face  from behind in between your hair and I exhale “I love you”

It doesn´t hurt, it doesn´t,
but even if it did… I wouldn´t want it any other way.

 

Cats and dogs

Photo by Daniel Chowen

By instinct she leans over to pick a bag of cat food, but then again she remembers she doesn´t have a cat -that the cats that used to come to the house are long gone. There is no more purring, no more scratching, no more biting – at least not in that way, anyway. The small flap door has been replaced by a solid door that she has painted and make it look beautifully in harmony with the house.

It is Friday and she is alone, and right there in the middle of the store her back aches, because she is still leaning over the bag of cat food and who the hell puts those bags on the lower shelf and her back makes a “pop” when she stands straight while she mumbles that she is way too damn old for this shit.

The sensor flashes as she leaves the store and the doors shush open to opposite sides. She sees his tail wagging immediately as he sees her.

She smiles.

She pets him lovingly.

“Let´s go, buddy… Let´s go home”

 

 

Tonight

I will leave the door open
and the lights off
quietly waiting for you.

I will crumple the sheets
tight under my fist.

Tonight
I will taste salt
while you taste sugar
my skin arching in the dark
making shadows.

North is West – come back to me

You are going on the wrong direction, love. North is not North, North is West.

– Now that I am getting used to this, now you have to go…
– I know. I have been ready before I knew I was ready, but I know how it is for you…

My skin knows your skin…

He is leaving, going North, going on the wrong direction. I feel like a woman from the middle ages waiving good-bye to her man, going to war, unaware of when she will see him again. He is not going to war, but to work- and I dont know neither when I will see him again.

The pillow gets moist with tears of sadness first, with drool of lust later on. One last furious good-bye.

My skin knows your skin…

You are going on the wrong direction, love. North is not North, North is West.
Come (soon) back to me.

23 d´abril: Diada de Sant Jordi

Hi havia una vegada…
(Once upon a time…)

“Once upon a time” is how one begins to tell – not to explain, but to tell –  a story that will make you believe in magic. “Once upon a time” coming out of your grandparents mouth, means that you need to hurry up and get a seat – or to seat on their lap, to cross your legs like a Buddha on the floor, or to lay still in bed. Something is about to happen.
Escolta amb atenció (listen carefully)

Aaah! Heart pumping.

Read more

Hard

you LIVE hard
you LOVE hard
you GRIEF hard

and you will BOUNCE BACK as you live, love and grief:

HARD!

. Read more

Day 1

Is 1 better than 0? And 2? is 2 better than 1?

Those who know me well, know that I don´t have a good relationship with numbers. I have never had, end even this so-called relationship has smoothed up after a diagnosed math disability, numbers terrify me tremendously and my approach is full of skepticism. I do, however, have a weird comprehension about them. I somehow make sense of it all my head, in a strange way, and somehow I manage.

For example, I comprehend numbers that increase as a good meaning: is better to have 3 oranges instead of 1; or 5 pair of shoes instead of 2… There are some exceptions, of course, where numbers that reduce are actually a good thing, as when Cipralex is reduced from 10 to 5 mg, or when the days until the next vacation reduce by 1 every day until it arrives.

Read more

I hear the rain

I am ready.

I am getting ready to go to bed and in my room I hear the rain pounding outside. I mean, when it rains here, it really rains. I am looking forward showering, landing in bed and unplug under clean crispy sheets. LittleDumbass is so sneaky I didn’t even see him getting into my bed and now he sleeps peacefully. In my bedroom, on the loft, the rain sounds harder and I make a mental calculus of what day it is, and when spring is supposed to arrive, because I am ready to better days, to lighter days.

My math dyslexia slows the process some and realize that it is February, nearly March, and so far the year sucks and I am so ready for a better continuation of the present year. No. I don’t like to be moping around so people feel pity for me. I am not that kind of woman, nor I need sympathy from anyone, but on my way to the shower – plenty of time, I am still calculating in my head- I remember that my horoscope has pretty much fucked up the predictions for the year. Read more

Focus (mom on the phone)

– Honey, I love you, I really do, and I know you are hurting and I feel for you, but now put on your damn big-girl panties and focus. It may don’t look like, but things will get better, eventually, and right now you need to focus and move along with the world because the world ain’t stopping and waiting for you. I love you. Did I tell you that I love you? I love you.

– (Speechless)

.

hickey

He is twenty something and somewhere in there, he is quite good looking. His blue eyes are an attractive contrast to a hair all ruffled up, a little greasy, brushed – however these guys brush their hair now a days, from a very low line to the other side. Tiredness reflects on his face, matte on his skin and darkness under his eyes.

You may ask what I am looking for, and I can say I am not looking for anything, I am just looking – I am always looking, contemplating, observing and what makes me look is not his looks, his eyes or his hair; not even the dark circles under his eyes or the paleness on his face.

What makes me look, really look, is his serenity. He is a cashier at the supermarket and he seems to mess up most of the things passing on the belt, and even thought the two clients in front of me have scold him, he seems impassible, serene. I think he is smiling inside even I don’t see it, and then I know he is smiling and bubbling inside when he lifts his head to welcome me as his next client and I see this huge hickey on his neck.

I look at him and show teeth; I can avoid it. He looks down and he shows teeth also, and he doesn’t avoid it. The total comes up on the little screen and I pay unable to stop smiling. When he gives me the receipt I look at his neck and blurt I love it. He smiles even wider and whispers I love it too!

I walk away and my mind runs wild wondering how it happened, where, who, how is she (or he). I wonder how that little blood mark could give so much delight, and satisfaction, and most important, I wonder how easy can be to fulfill somebody with a very small gesture.

Young carefree love, one could say…

a bag full of light (quickie)

.

On the move, yet once again.
A feeble bag on his shoulders full of tomorrow’s light.
Shoulders bearing past lessons anxious to be forgotten.
Bearing also his hopes, his desires, a firm belief -as fragile as the plastic bag they travel into.
Never dispair, keep walking.
Holding tight to life.

.

The uses of sorrow*

The uses of sorrow
(In my sleep I dreamed this poem)

Someone I loved once gave me
a box full of darkness.

It took me years to understand
that this, too, was a gift.

* This is not, unfortunately, mine. I saw this picture and almost simultaneously found Mary Oliver’s poem… and everything felt into place.

.

Waiting

© the talented Riccardo Traverso

He has misplaced his faith -she had enough faith for both of them, but he believes this is the only place he can get an explanation of why He robbed her from him. Anger and devastation, he misses her. He dreams the afterlife where she is now, must be something like this place, and the little misplaced faith remained helps him to dream their encounter.

In the meantime, he waits.

developing negatives

Negatives and pictures.

What we are and what we show the world?

When we are one negatives – and we only negatives, vs. when we are one negatives who needs to develop into two pictures. The process of developing in a darkroom –  delicate and complicated. Do we have complete guarantee that the picture will match the negatives, or at least their expectation?

Negatives and pictures.

Do we really understand the process? Are we strong enough to risk the pureness of a negative to develop it into a timeless picture?

thermoregulation

.

 

north

– Green light? – I ask him curiously.

– Yes – he says – you and I, we have a “go”.

– A “go” – I swallow the word.

– We are going North, you and I – he holds my hand and smiles with that childish smile that has nothing childish on it – The needle pulls, Vanilla, strong and steady.

I squeeze his hand and I look towards the highway. “We are going North” – I mumble, reflecting.

– Together, my sweet Vanilla – he squeezes my hand a bit harder – I wont let go.

– You promise?

– I promise – he whispers.

I feel the needle pulling, hard, strong, like never before.

a wish of an endless moment 

When he comes back from the bathroom, she is still laying on her side. He hesitates.

“come” she says, tapping the bed with her hand.

He lays next to her, mirroring her. They look into each others eyes in a never ending moment, and he wishes that moment never ended.

Her lips open slightly, and when his eyes move from her pupils to her lips – and she notices his eyes traveling to her lips – these change from a circle to a semi-circle.

“l love you too” he anticipates before she has a chance to say anything.

Her semi-circle doubles in size.

perfect fit

you and me
how we fit
how that fit reflects itselv
and becomes a new meaning…

beyond the light
beyong the glass
beyond the space…

puzzle

I love

l love…
l love water – to swim, to drink, to shower, to bath, to swim, to swim, to play
l love my childrens laugh – and more their cries for mama´s comfort
l love to use my arms as post-its and write all over
l love life
l love boyfriend
l love to send sms, and mms, and im, and every single way to digital communication.
Read more

love timeline (so far)

.
1 month
30 days
720 hours
43 200  minutes
18 144 000 seconds
"Love knows not what time is".
Wrong.
I do know time - when you are not next to me.
.